I’m a reasonably tolerant traveler.
Or perhaps I just think I am.
I get to the airport early. I don’t need to lounge in a lounge. I hope there’s no one annoying sitting next to me, especially not a baby. And I hope the plane leaves on time, arrives on time and the airline doesn’t lose my luggage.
In the meantime, I sit, read and perhaps fall asleep. (Work? Are you serious?)
I tend not to use gadgets on planes. A book made out of paper, a sandwich that tastes like it could have been and I’m good.
You, though, perhaps need your gadgets that much more. You want them to soothe you, bolster you and entertain you — even if it’s a mere four-hour flight.
And that’s why I scoured Amazon to see if I could find something suitably, gloriously ridiculous to ease your passage.
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I like to waft around Amazon on occasion. Why, I recently asked the site for its weirdest tech gadgets and it was as if Amazon didn’t understand the question. Or, rather, had never heard the word weird before.
But goodness have I found the gadget for you this time.
It’s a snake that can cushion your neck and hold your iPhone.
Does that conjure innovative joy in your mind? Well? Please let me try again. Imagine one of those neck pillows that’s the length of your average boa constrictor and it’s got fingers on the end of it.
More precisely, a holder.
Because this is the Spice Of Life Mobile Pillow – Gray | Multi-Angle Flexible Device Holder, Neck Cushion, Micro Foam Beads, Portable Stand, Device Screen Mount, Travel Accessories | Phones, Tablets, Smartphones, eReaders.
Don’t you adore the product names on Amazon? You do. Almost as much as I adore the product descriptions.
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How about this: “Users can customize support for neck, shoulders and head & use cell phone at the same time! The micro-beads inside the pillow forms and contours to user’s neck for maximum comfort.”
Because there’s just no way you can use a neck pillow and, say, hold your phone. Or perhaps put it on your little tray table.
You’ll be wondering how this thing stays upright. Well, the makers explain: “Equipped with a twistable internal structure, anyone can easily use and adjust this mobile pillow. Its vertebrae-like construction make a quiet ‘popping’ noise [when] bent.”
As I made a quiet popping noise when I witnessed this thing.
While you’re considering all that, please let me consider someone next to me on the plane sticking one of these things in front of their face. And then rapidly turning around to ask me when the meal service begins.
I was fortunate that, on seeing this thing, I also heard from the makers’ PR representatives.
The 56″ long pillow is filled with micro-beads and can twist and bend into a customized form for neck, shoulders, lumbar and head support to be used while viewing your smart device! Streaming, Face Time, gaming, reading whatever hands-free activity you are doing be supported and comfortable! Popular with young children, teens, college students and adults. Great for holiday travel! Buy it in RED to be really festive!
Buy it in red so that people can see you from the other side of the plane, too. And look, it’s popular with everyone except babies.
I have no idea whether this will populate America’s airports over the coming days and months. I have no idea how many people will believe this iPhone-clutching anaconda is the perfect holiday gift.
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The only thing I know is that if you ever see me using one of these things, please call a flight attendant, get me escorted off the plane and sent to an appropriate institution for examination and recovery.